


Broken

by thisisdefinitelynotme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Has Self-Worth Issues, Castiel Needs a Hug, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Coda, Episode Related, Episode: s12e13 Family Feud, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Imagine that, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Sam Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9966071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisdefinitelynotme/pseuds/thisisdefinitelynotme
Summary: "Last year, when Lucifer was possessing me, you got along just fine." His head hung a little lower at that thought. His eyes were closed.That knocked all the breath out of Dean. He did not even have any idea that Cas felt this way. All he could remember were certain things the angel had said in the past years: I deserved to die. I'm afraid I might kill myself. Dean felt that these sentiments were still the same. He had to make this better.------Or, the one where, after learning that Mary is working with the British Men of Letters, Dean and Cas actually use their words.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Petition for the writers to stop hurting Cas, literally the sweetest character on the show. I have so many feels. Also, still not sure how I feel about Mary, but I don't appreciate what happened with Ramiel.

Sam heard the groan of the bunker door opening and closing right about the time the implications of what exactly Mary had done began sinking in.

 

Mary was working with the British Men of Letters.

 

They told her about the demon, but not that he was a Prince of Hell.

 

She stole something that she did not return.

 

She was the reason they were there, the reason Cas almost died.

 

Sam was angry with her - furious, even. And, looking over at Dean, who's hands were clenched so tightly that his knuckles where solid white, Sam knew that his brother had also made all of these connections.

 

Castiel finally came to stand beside both Winchester brothers, clearly noticing the electrically charged atmosphere, if his furrowed brows were any indication.

 

"Cas, listen -" Mary began, but she was quickly interrupted by Dean.

 

" _No_ ," he seethed, dangerously quiet. Sam saw how his arms were slightly shaking. "You do _not_ get to call him that. Not now. You don't even _deserve_ to speak to him."

 

"You need to go," Sam added, folding his arms. "It's best for you to not be here right now."

 

Mary, who had seemingly tried minimizing her appearance by hunching in her shoulders, opened her mouth as though to argue; but, she clearly decided against it. She walked right back out the bunker without looking back.

 

Cas was glancing back and forth between Sam and Dean, using his Maximum Eye Squint. "What happened? What's going on?"

 

Dean, still trembling angrily, swiped an empty beer bottle off the table. It shattered upon hitting the ground. "She's working with them. Those British douches that tortured Sam and banished you." He put both hands on the table and took several deep visible breaths.

 

"They were the ones that told her about Ramiel," Sam supplied, also still feeling the white-hot rush of anger throughout his veins. "Only, they didn't tell her exactly how powerful he was. She was the one that stole something from him. Hell if we didn't even ask what that was."

 

"She's the reason you almost... that you were hurt." Sam noticed that Dean still couldn't say the words, couldn't bear to think of what _could have_ happened.

 

Cas remained silent, still staring at them both. His face, though weary, was devoid of emotion. Sam expected him to share their angry sentiments though. He did not, however, expect the angel's next word.

 

"So?"

 

Both brothers froze. Dean stood to his full height then, gaping at Cas. "What do you mean, 'so'?"

 

"You just asked your mother to leave because of what happened to me, right?" An emotion was beginning to seep into his features: incredulity.

 

"Well - yeah, essentially," Sam stated, not understanding the lack of anger.

 

"If that's the case, I won't allow it."

 

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean asked. "She betrayed us."

 

"So have I, if you remember. Which I'm sure you do - I worked with Crowley, opened Purgatory, massacred thousands in Heaven and on earth. Not to mention, I removed Sam's wall to Hell. He almost died. You need your mother. You don't need me." Cas' face somehow grew sadder while he was listing his past mistakes.

 

Sam and Dean shared a look. Sam saw the impact the angel's speech had on Dean: his entire expression was utterly forlorn. They both understood now that they had to make sure that, above all else, Cas knew that he was needed.

 

"You almost died." Sam accentuated every word, trying to add importance. He did not miss the way Dean subtly flinched at the word 'died'.

 

"So did you, because of me," the angel stated, apparently trying to convince the brothers that he was of lesser importance than Mary.

 

"Sam," Dean said quietly, again catching the eyes of his brother, "will you give us a moment?" Sam nodded, hoping maybe Dean would confess a few things to the angel. Walking past said angel, the youngest decided to give him a quick hug, trying to convey that familial need. Cas clapped him on the back once; then Sam was gone.

 

\------

 

Dean's head was spinning and he was feeling fidgety. It was too much - his mom almost got his angel killed, and his angel didn't care. Dean walked to the library, needing the (albeit subtle) change of scenery. Cas, as expected, followed him, and stopped a few feet from the hunter.

 

"I don't understand, Dean. It feels like you're trading her for me."

 

"Damn right we are! Right now, at least," the hunter exclaimed.

 

"She's your mother -"

 

"You're our family. You said so yourself. Family don't end in blood, and it doesn't start there either. I've known you for almost nine years, and her for less than one. It really doesn't matter that she's blood." His chest was heaving. Thinking about Mary made him angry still.

 

Cas, who had been maintaining his cool blue stare, inexplicably broke eye contact, choosing instead to focus on the floor beside Dean's shoes. His composed exterior seemed to be crumbling after that movement, to the hunter's concern - Cas' shoulders had slumped.

 

"She's _useful_ to you though."

 

Dean gaped at Cas, who had now set his penetrating stare on Dean once again. There was something about it though - he looked so worn down and tired and all around more _human_ than even when he was actually human.

 

"Cas, man, how many times I gotta tell you that I need you?" Dean said, begging the angel to understand.

 

He gave a deep, weary sigh. "But you don't though." Suddenly the world seemed to be a bit too heavy for him and he all but collapsed in the nearest chair. "Did you mother tell you about Minnesota?"

 

Dean shook his head, wondering where this was going. "No, she didn't. But apparently there's a lot she didn't tell me, so there's that."

 

Cas squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before returning them to Dean. "While you were... incarcerated, I tried hunting. There was a case, three dead women. Long story short, I failed. Three more women were murdered before I... before I ran away. Mary had to finish up the case. No one else died after she took over." He then averted his gaze in shame. Dean ached to comfort him but was frozen to the spot. "I fail at everything, Dean. I failed as a human. I failed as an angel. I caused all the angels to fall from heaven. I betrayed you. I have nearly killed you. I set Lucifer free. The nephilim would not be a problem had I not interfered last year."

 

Those words broke a little something in Dean. "I've made mistakes too, ya know. Being a demon ain't all fun and games."

 

"Last year, when Lucifer was possessing me, you got along just fine." His head hung a little lower at that thought. His eyes were closed.

 

That knocked all the breath out of Dean. He did not even have any idea that Cas felt this way. All he could remember were certain things the angel had said in the past years: _I deserved to die. I'm afraid I might kill myself._ Dean felt that these sentiments were still the same. He had to make this better.

 

He walked closer to where the angel was sitting and pulled up a chair in front of him, where he plopped down. Dean looked at Cas until he caught his beautifully blue eyes, and then maintained contact. "I am so sorry that I have let you feel like this," Dean said softly. Cas' brows scrunched together; Dean rested a hand on his shoulder and took a deep breath. "I missed you last year. I couldn't figure out why you'd say yes to him, and it scared the hell outta me that you thought you had to go and do something like that. I didn't get much sleep, worrying about you. I looked for ways to save you but couldn't find jack." His voice broke a little on his next words. "Last year was hell without you, not knowing if you were alright." Dean's hand was still on his shoulder, and he discovered himself leaning a little into Cas' personal space, but didn't find it in him to care.

 

Cas still seemed unconvinced though. "I have never done anything right."

 

"You rescued me from Hell."

 

They both stared at each other. Then Cas shook his head. "But I couldn't save you from prison, and you said it was worse than Hell. I couldn't find you."

 

"But you did. Doesn't matter that it took a little extra help. You didn't stop looking."

 

Cas sighed again. Dean hoped his resolve was cracking. "You could've been killed. Ramiel could have killed you, Sam, and Mary because of me."

 

Dean was incredulous. " _You_ were the one dying. You could've died Cas."

 

"I break everything I touch."

 

Dean gripped his shoulder a little tighter. "Can't break me - I'm already broken. We're all a little broken." That may have been the most chick flick-y thing he's said in a long time, but screw it. He loves chick flicks.

 

"I still don't think you should've forced Mary to leave. I'm not worth it."

 

"Cas, you're worth _everything_ ." The hunter figured that it was time to let go of emotional repression. His angel needed him. Therefore, he stood and extended a hand to Castiel, who hesitantly took it and stood as well. Dean pulled him into a tight embrace, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding the back of his head with his hand. Cas quickly followed suit, encircling the hunter's waist. The two melted together and stayed as such for minutes - longer than was probably appropriate, but who cares? Not them, certainly.

 

After a moment, Cas pulled his head away, but their bodies remained connected. Their faces were inches apart, and they were (unsurprisingly) staring. Dean found the angel's azure eyes even more alluring up close. "Thank you, Dean," he said earnestly.

 

"Of course, Cas. I should've told you all this a long time ago." Dean took a deep breath, somewhat unsure about his next question, but the deep pools of blue in front of him steadied him. "Did you - did you mean it when you said that knowing us was the highlight of your feathery days?"

 

"Yes." Without hesitation.

 

"You're an angel, though. You've lived for, what, thousands of years?"

 

"I'd argue that I haven't lived at all until I touched your soul in Hell."

 

And that's what did it. That's what had Dean, finally, leaning forward slowly, giving Cas time to back away. The moment when their noses were brushing, breath on each other's faces, was when Castiel whispered, "I also meant it when I said I love you." And he closed the remaining distance.

 

Dean placed a hand on the back of Cas' neck, tilting his head slightly to get the perfect angle, the other hand clutching the trench coat. Cas tightened his grip around the hunter's waist. They kissed slow and sweet, until Dean licked into the angel's mouth, when it became more passionate. Dean poured everything into the kiss, willing Cas to believe he was needed. Eventually the need to breathe broke them apart, and they rested their foreheads together.

 

"Cas, I need you. Not because you're useful, even though you are, but because I love you." Dean smiled slightly, relieved at finally having that off his chest.

 

Cas didn't quite smile, but somehow his features became almost imperceptibly lighter, as though he wasn't quite as weighed down. And now, maybe he wasn't.

 

They stayed just like that for a while, sometimes trading sweet kisses and sweet nothings, sometimes simply holding each other. This was exactly how Sam found them later on, engaged in a slow kiss. He smiled to himself, thrilled that they were finally together, and pulled out his phone to text Mary. Maybe they weren't quite ready to forgive her yet, but it wasn't entirely out of the question. Not anymore.

 

_We're all a little broken. Maybe our broken parts will fit together like puzzle pieces._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks guys!


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